


Going Nowhere

by Jammelz



Category: Glee, Glee RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mention of mia swier, mention of a boyfriend of Chris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 07:08:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jammelz/pseuds/Jammelz
Summary: The day before the show where Darren sings Going Nowhere and he gets caught up on old feelings regarding Chris. Also...a drunken emotional phone call after the show.





	Going Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> There are so little cc fics these days, especially canon related ones. Or atleast what I would like to read about. Soooo I wrote my own one. This is a reaction to my fav new song (old song?), Going nowhere. Because it gives me huge Cc feels. Warning: so much angsty feels coz I'm an emotional masochist. Enjoy.

"I wonder if he remembers anything the way that I do him. I wonder if pre-September ever was the way we were. Well, its all a blur"-

"You know you gotta change the pronoun right?", Chuck asks with a laugh while he sinks down into the couch across from Darren, effectively bringing him out of the trance he was in.

He looks up, and Chucks sees Darren's eyes are a bit shiny with a far off look.

"Huhmm?" He asks, dazed.  
"..You okay man?"  
"Yeah yeah...just got lost there for a moment". Darren looks down to the guitar again and starts picking random tunes while he speaks.

"So, I think I sorted out where the guitar solo will come in, as well as how many times I wanna repeat the chorus..." 

Chuck looks at Darren with a frown on his face; a bit worried. He knows what this song means. Know what it meant the time Darren wrote it. "Yeah, its your song man, do as you please...are you sure you okay Darren?"

Darren looks up again, shrugs and goes back to playing and scribbling down notes. "I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Uh...maybe because we both know what this song is about-who this song is about...and because you were sounding kindof on the verge of tears when I came in"

Darren looks up and gives chuck a look that says sarcastically, 'Really?'

"I'm serious man! What's up? You know, you've been there for me a lot lately. But, you know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know that Chuck", he answers with a sigh. "I'm okay. I just...got lost there for a moment", he repeats again.

"Chris?" Chuck asks, giving Darren a sympathetic look.  
Darren doesn't answer at first. He scratches behind his head, brushes his hand through his hair and over his face while simultaneously letting out a big breath.

"Chris", he answers. 

"Are you sure you want to sing this song tomorrow night? I mean, look what its doing to you now. Do you want another Teenage dream happening?"

"Don't be ridiculous Chuck."  
"I'm just saying man! "

"I'm fine. I just...this song brings up a lot of old feelings. I'm kind of struggling to differentiate whether what is coming up is what I'm actually feeling now, or if its just...nostalgia. You understand?"

"Yeah man" Chuck answers, "What you and Chris had was...intense, even for someone observing it from the outside like I did. I know the period afterwards was hard for you"

Darren huffs out a humorless laugh, "Hard is the understatement of the year."

Chuck stands up to grab a beer in the kitchen. "You want one?" he calls.

"Yeah, please". 

"So again, are you sure you want to sing this one?" Chuck asks as he gives the beer to Darren and sits back down on the couch.

Darren opens the bottle and takes a big gulp before he replies, "I love this song though. I've always wanted to perform it. Its a good song". He shrugs and puts the beer down on the coffee table and starts playing the guitar again.

"It is a good song, definitly. I just don't want you making yourself sad up there man. Also...Mia. Your girlfriend? What's she gonna say?"

Darren heaves a sigh and puts the guitar down next to the couch. He reaches for his beer again, looking slightly irritable and tired.

"She's not my-..." He starts to say, but stops when he sees Chuck looking at him with a knowing look.  
They both know what he wants to say, as well as the boatload of complicated bullshit going with that. Darren sighs deeply, not wanting to get into that.

"She won't say anything. I don't care either way man. I...I've just been missing Chris lately, which is weird coz for a long while I didn't think too much about him. I thought of him fondly and how proud I am of him..."

Chuck nods his head to show he's listening.

"It wasn't until I found this song again and I was hit with...everything", he sighs and drinks another sip of his beer, eyes cast down.

For a while they're both quiet until Chuck ask him, "You still love him?"

"Always" he answers after a quiet pause.  
Then Darren puts down his beer, picks up his guitar and starts playing the song again.

***  
'I’m going nowhere, I can’t move forward. I’m so much colder than I’ve been.  
Since, say, October, when we were closer, and it was love that we were in.  
If I was a smarter man, I’d understand  
I’m alone when I look in the mirror.  
We said our goodbyes and I closed my eyes and  
You’re still here.'  
***

'I'm going nowhere, he said its over. Still I look forward to the fall. Another October, I'm sorry I know you're expecting a less than sober call...'

Its well past midnight, and Darren is sitting on his hotel bed. He has a glass of scotch in his hand, the ice melted already as he takes a big gulp of the dark liquor and press call on his cell phone.  
The phone rings three times, before a sleepy voice comes through the speaker. "Hello?"  
Darren closes his eyes tightly, and the voice comes through again, "Hello?...Darren?"  
He knows this is a bad idea, but you know...he's tired, tipsy and that empty feeling is feeling like its choking him.  
"Hey. I...I know this was a bad idea. I just. God, Chris..." He puts the glass down, and rubs with his hand the water from the perspiration of the glass over his face.

"Darren, its past 2 in the morning. Why are you calling me?" Chris' voice doesn't necessarily sound angry or irritated. It sounds kind of...void of any emotion.

"I sang a song tonight that I wrote after we broke up for good"

There is only silence on the other end.

"...and I know I'm a bit drunk right now and I shouldn't be calling you. I know he's probably laying next to you right now and I..."

"Darren", Chris' says in a warning tone.

"I'm sorry. I just really miss you."  
Silence again, though Darren imagines he hears a hitch in Chris' breathing.

"I sang this song, and I wasn't feeling like crying, but I had this brick in my stomach. People were cheering and making comments and taking pictures and videos. But all I could think about was you. And I know this probably means nothing, but I just miss you. I miss us."  
He hears Chris take a deep breath, then exhale. "Darren...that was years ago"  
"It was the most intense I've ever felt about anyone." Darren answers.  
Silence. After a beat he hears a soft "...I know, me too."  
Darren hears a rustle in the background and a sleepy male voice asking who Chris is talking to. Chris answers with a hesitant, "Its nothing...its...just go back to sleep. I'll be done now".

Darren sits forward with his elbows on his knees and his head forward against his open palm. He tries not to feel too hurt about Chris' response. He knows this was a bad idea. He knew calling Chris would only lead to him feeling hurt and empty again. He knows he's going to need to speak to Chuck or Joey just to make him feel sane again. So, he takes a deep breath and resigns himself to the fact that this is his reality. He will be okay. 

"Darren, I have to-"  
"Its okay Chris. I know I shouldn't have called. I was just feeling emotional...and drunk", he gives a dry laugh. "It was nice hearing your voice again. I...I gotta hit the sack, I have to be up in like, 4 hours. Sleep tight"

He hears Chris sigh before he replies, "Okay Darren. Sleep tight". 

Darren clicks the call off and puts his phone on the bedside table. He quickly undresses to his boxers and climbs under the covers. He is just drunk enough to fall asleep without having to think too much.

***  
The next morning he is woken by his phone ringing and instantly knows its Ricky.  
"I'm up, I'm up!" He answers the phone; eyes still closed. As he wants to put the phone down again, he sees his notification light go off and see that he has a message. 

Its from Chris.

He opens it, reads the message and instantly closes his eyes again, sinking his head back into the pillow. His mind quickly goes back to the previous nights' drunken call. However, this time his heart feels a little bit lighter than it did.

"I miss you too Darren"


End file.
